BEFORE
Before there was…
Chaos
Constant busy-ness and noise. Too much.
There were plans for a wedding
There was smelly polluted disgusting air that was hard to breathe and I had to take my inhaler with me wherever I went.
There was ignorance.
Money is everything
Before there was kissing.
People would gather in big groups of friends to go to parties and public spaces
There were corners to turn and goals to meet
I know there was something but I am having a hard time remembering what it was.
There was dismay at Brexit
Chaos
Greed and materialism,
Normality - whatever that truly means
There was dancing, theatre and song ...
There was knowing. I could plan a trip and book a flight to suit.
A kind of chaos.
Eclectic-ness.
Arseholes
Neatly mown green spaces.
Normal
There was rush and hurry, with an underlying unidentified longing and an often unacknowledged sense that something is not quite right
Concern
Before there was… That
Not enough time with my 2 year old daughter
Routine, distractions, a world clock to live by.
So much noise, so much hurry.
Love, family, travel, theatre, Samba Galez.
There was not the worry to pass on a heavy possibly deadly disease to parents and loved ones by visiting or hugging them
Before we held each other
There were many and varied joyful meetings,
There were widening cracks that we spent time carefully navigating and peering into in horror
Pressure
A conversation without a screen
Before it was fun and buzz and hugs and coffee times.
There was no before, we hadn’t had the chance to all be sat still and forced to stop for 5 minutes. To think for 5 minutes.
Distraction
Rushing, alarm clocks and deadlines
Certainty
Before there was freedom
There was very little consideration for public services in general
There was wine.
Yoga classes via car
There were resources
I was about to become an international superstar.
There was no farting at the team meeting
There was freedom, but there was also comfortable routines we were in, things we were used to doing, waking up going to the shop, not really appreciating anything. There was also a strong desire for me personally to stay inside a lot of the time. And being able to go outside and have shops and places to visit everywhere you go was something that a LOT of people have always had so they didn’t realise how precious it was and how life was without them.
There was noise.
Freedom in the mountains.
There was Europe, which I didn’t realise how much it fit me and surrounded by nature, plants, trees, green and the culture which resonated with me
There was stress and anxiety. Confusion and claustrophobia.
I'm reluctant to do this now as the first word that came to mind was "struggle" for before there was....that made me stop and think and I'm still pondering on why that word came up.....
There was being with friends and family we took for granted! You were free to choose to go wherever you wanted.
I was teaching Judo to children.
There was...Tight Tick Tock Time, A FuLL diary, An endless list. Trying to fit into a structure and often failing. Socialising in often LouD places. Feeling a bit guilty by going out walking when I should have been doing other things...Always thinking of the things ‘I should be doing’.... - the things that there never seemed to be time for... Buying and consuming things that I don't need. Forgetting birthdays and other such things
Before the lockdown, I was working as a freelance production manager and sound designer in theatre. I had just completed a run of a play in Cardiff and had moved onto production week for a new show in Newport. The whole team were so excited to get it up and running. As the news on Covid-19 developed in March, there was a collective unnerving sense amongst us all that it just wasn’t going to happen and everyday life outside of our bubble was slowly closing down. We had almost completed our tech sessions, readying ourselves for a dress run when the news hit that the theatre was closing down with immediate effect. Though justified and totally the right decision, it was devastating. The theatre company had worked on this project for 2 to 3 years, all leading up to this week. Everyone huddled together, all with a sense that this play will come back when the time is right.
There was ‘normal’
Hugs and love, smiles and spontaneity, laughs and warmness
Routine
Hugs
Hours on the train. Steps to walk constantly up and down. Money pouring away on coffees, stupid pastries, dismal lunches. A different type of anxious time. Bodies taken for granted. Pubs, pizzas, galleries, plays. Hard social interaction in person. Competition. Music with others while learning to play together. Cavalier political rhetoric coming from every direction. The abstract threat of a crisis.
Too many choices and too much stimulation.
Fresh batteries in the remote
Very much in a rat race...on a bit of a treadmill. If it's Friday we shop, regardless of what was required.
Working for the man aka slavery.
There was a tree house
A community
Chaos
There was a world were we were completely free, a world that we felt we could do anything we wanted, be who we wanted without any thought in the world.
There was proximity (between humans, lovers, dancers, performers, audiences, commuters, barefoot against smooth dance studio floors)
There was frantic stressing and constant work, gigs. The continual pressure to say yes to everything and fill time constructively
There was a lot I was looking forward to.
A Plan
There were lingering hugs
Routine, action, functionality and possibilities
There was noise
First there was my loss of jobs...all in the entertainment industry. Then despair, fear anger. The feeling of uselessness.
There was corruption and greed.
Rehearsals and business.
There was life
There was life
Tree house building, painting and Love.
Sitting side by side, being arm in arm, convening around a table, sweating in a club, dancing with older hands.
There was so little time it felt - at times time poor,
There was life in New York City.
The world outside of me.
Work
Chaos
A pathway, well known and accepted ways of cause and effect
People watching (and hanging out in crowds, and making crowds and entertaining them )
There were live performances
Commuting, hustle and bustle.
Before this there was that
Life
Before there was my local pub! So tiny that social distancing would be an impossibility.
I knew what I was doing
There was karaoke and argument from The Railway
There was ritualised contact upon meeting people like a handshake or a hug/kiss
Before I felt that the general public were being fed a narrative that "their" mood was one of unhappiness and lack of a collective humanity. And that the only way to end their unhappiness was by thinking narrowly, for themselves and those closest to them. Over time (as the media poked the nest/stoked the fire by platforming the puppet masters and neo lib architects) the answer lay in negative change and words i.e. leave, them, no, etc.... were believed to hold the answers. Thus hoodwinked, UK voters returned the favour in brexit and election polls
There was out there.
There were hugs and kisses
Fairies.
There was work
Industry lorries growling, honking cars, smoking vans admits booming bikes.
I was stuck in the monotony of life
Rushing and spinning through days and months without depth and purpose. With a slight fear of missed opportunities without fully knowing what these were.
A wake when someone died. When it’s someone close it’s never that easy, but to not be allowed have one makes you realise how incredibly important and valuable a part of the grieving process it is. Imagine: that a ‘wake’ is a luxury, a privilege!
I worried that time was running out
The ‘show’ was run by and for the majority, the normal folk, the regular people.
Constraints
I thought quite a bit about sex
Cars
Before there was Then
(106 voices)